Twelve Days of Chagrin
by Daemon faerie queen
Summary: A Christmas present for me darlin' RaggyDollPirate. A festive spree of mini stories in which Captain Sparrow gets faux pirate Jade into awkward situations. Some instances of strong Jack/OC but I promise he's in character ;3 Beware o' the rating!
1. Twelve Drummers Drumming

**A/N:** _Dedicated to RaggyDollPirate. This be a series of separate stories that make up one big one, all centralising about a seasonal theme. Hope ye like your Christmas present! XD Cap'n Jack -x-_

* * *

This was it. She had always said he would be the death of her. Trouble snapped at the heels of the pirate that ran like a basilisk and walked like an instrument-lacking pianist, and it engulfed anyone stopping to watch. Miss Starfall gazed numbly over the heads of the crowd that stood before the gallows, unable to focus upon a single face in the event that their hatred and disgust would break the last strands of dignity she held. They had the mind of a mob and therefore had no mind at all. Something breathing that had no mind was terrifying. Her ears refused to register what the official had to say of her crimes. It might have included being born.

Drums beat slowly to his voice. Somewhere below the scaffold was an old monk mumbling and chanting, consecrating the spot where she was to drop. The crowd were becoming restless, bustling forward, their voices beginning to drown that of the man reading his scroll. Jade winced as the heavily built executioner twisted her arms and dragged her to the trapdoor beneath the noose. The coarse rope was lowered and the loop fastened about her throat. She wasn't important enough for them to worry that her words would provide any lasting propaganda, and so she was granted last words. Fear gnawed away any chance of being clever or wise. Jade glared with glassy eyes at the ignorant mass before her.

"The lot of yeh make meh sick. Here y'are houndin' f'r the flesh'f any fool unlucky enough t' get caught tryin' t' stay alive when there's monsters out there murderin' an' worse under the shelter of yeh precious authority. Yeh jes' want the easy way, don' yeh? Lookit what yeh've become. On y' faith's most precious day yeh've got naught better t' do than watch some'ne die. Pff…"

She drew in a fearful breath at the sight of the official's nod. The drums lowered into a roll. Too many drums, why were there so many drums? The executioner's hand moved for the trapdoor's lever. The ground dropped away in a rush of air. A wave of gasps rippled through the audience as the chanting monk leapt aside and pulled out a pistol. A shot rang out and the rope was severed. The monk caught her as she plummeted, immediately swinging her to stand behind him. Dumbfounded, she watched a company of guards pour into the courtyard to arrest her hooded rescuer. He took a step forward and drew a sword from within his robes. She did not register the familiarity of his ring-adorned fingers until too late.

The guards of Port Royal fired their shots into the cleric's chest. He fell, bringing her down in her attempt to catch him. Jade crouched over him, fighting back a sob. She pulled back the limp figure's hood and looked with despair at the peaceful face of Jack Sparrow.

"Yeh stupid man," she said bitterly. "Yeh wasted y' legend on an end like this…"

As the enemy closed in, she pressed her lips to the pirate captain's. Preparing to go the same way, she pulled back –

– but found herself staring at the grin that had appeared on Sparrow's face.

The previously dead man sat bolt upright and yelled out a single word, "Now!" More than a dozen men within the crowd revealed themselves, roaring and waving weapons. A score more descended into the fort from over the walls. Townsfolk shrieked in panic, looking to the guards for protection. Guns went off, bayonets skewered, but still the pirates stood unharmed.

Jack leapt to his feet and discarded his habit. The broad smile still plastered upon his face, he pulled Jade along with him in his ascent to the scaffold. He passed the official and shot him such a look of sweet venom that the man yelped and leapt from the platform. Loading his pistol as he went, the sight of which sent the executioner screaming into the mob, Sparrow moved to the forefront of the gallows. He raised his arm and fired into the sky, calling for hush.

"Ladies an' rather less gentle men than I would care for, kindly shut it before someone gets hurt." He paused to frown in distaste at a confused guard who had yet to withdraw the point of his bayonet from a disgruntled pirate. The man gibbered and solved the matter swiftly by stepping back and fainting. Jack resumed his speech. "Before you all get your breeches, or skirts, in a tangle, we've only come for the girl, so if you don't mind forming an orderly rabble in the direction of your 'omes, bugger off and go eat your geese, savvy? Cam' on, what are you all waiting for? Today is a day for giving, i'n'it? You give us her freedom, I give you yours. We're square. Now, flee for your lives!"

The guard-punctuated gathering merely boggled at him. The pirate captain rolled his eyes and signalled to his men to fire their pistols into the air. This had the desired effect. With an assortment of screams, the townsfolk abandoned the fort. Sparrow laughed at their backs.

"Let this be the day that you will always remember as the day that you almost killed -!" He was cut off by Jade grabbing his arm and pulling him to face her.

"Aw'ight, how the bloody 'ell did yeh do it then?" she snarled.

Jack simply looked over her shoulder. She turned to see a monkey scampering along the crossbeam of the gallows. In its teeth was a golden medallion. Not quite understanding, Jade looked back to Sparrow as he made an identical coin dance between his fingers.

"An island can't sink too far if you 'ave the means to coax an undead monkey to fetch a few pieces of its treasure. O' course we'll 'ave to send 'im back down with them all suitably blood-sullied. At the very worst, I'm immortal forever." He smirked.

Jade grumbled and made her way down to the courtyard with the loitering crewmembers. Jack followed with the expression of a cream-filled cat. Before he could speak a word, she turned on her heel, scowling. "I only kissed yeh because yeh were dead." She took a step away before swivelling back. "Yeh know what I meant." Hurriedly, she altered the subject. "If the monkey's 'ere, where's Barbossa?"

Jack shrugged; too busy being giddy in his conceit. "Back on the _Pearl_."

She stared at him. "Pardon?"

"He's back on the -." The pirate's face drained. He locked eyes with her only the once before he ran full pelt out of the courtyard toward the docks.

Jade sighed at the vanishing figure on his futile quest. "Another year. Some'ne please tell meh why I torture m'self followin' 'im across th' seas." Resolved, she straightened her blue bandanna and marched on the road of self-infliction.


	2. Eleven Pipers Piping

Music roused her from her sleep. It was bittersweet and warming to hear, with the comforting sense of familiarity wrought from a song heard many years ago. Jade turned lazy eyes upon the cabin in which she lay and remembered that they had stolen a small schooner in order to pursue Barbossa. They had been chasing him for nearly a year now, unable to travel as fast as the _Pearl _and missing him by days whenever he made port. They had lost time returning the Aztec gold and Jack had been less than pleased that the other Jack of the primate variety had escaped, taking away the option of leverage. A part of her wished Jack would just give up, but there was no swaying him. No woman rivalled his _Black Pearl_.

The music kept playing, a lilting sound of flutes. She rolled out of the hammock and wandered out of the cabin onto the deck. Searching for the source of the noise, she peered across the rails on either side before ascending to the quarterdeck and making for the helm.

"Lemmeh take over," she said to the pirate on duty, a wiry bearded man with a scarred lip.

"A woman steer a ship? It be bad enough you're even on board let alone tryin' to do the work."

She glared at him. "Jack says I c'n do wharrever I want. So bugg'roff." She seized the wheel and began to yank it clockwise, veering the shipto port.

"Leave off!" the man cried and tried to prise her hands off, but she gripped with astonishing strength. As if he wasn't even there, Jade continued to turn the wheel and stared ahead with determination.

"Oi!" shouted a voice from the deck. Captain Sparrow pounced up the stairs and looked incredulous at the scrabbling between the crewmembers. "Master Dandswell, would you be so kind as to inform me of the problem?"

"She's just gone mad, Cap'n. Won't let go of the wheel. She said you told her she could."

"I did not."

"That's what I thought, sir. I said no woman's ever been all right sailin' in my book. Where will a man be if they start doing all 'is jobs?"

"Makes no odds whether she be man or woman," Jack said dismissively. "I want 'er off." He moved alongside Miss Starfall. "Jade? What're you doing?"

"Goin' t' find the pipers."

Jack blinked. "What?"

"I've got t' find where th' music's comin' from. They need 'elp…"

The pirate captain briefly exchanged glances with Dandswell before he slid around the opposite side of the wheel to block Jade's view. "Jade… there's no music."

Her gaze snapped to meet with his and she snarled, "Then yeh need t' get yeh ears washed out. Help meh Jack or get out'f m' way."

"Fine…I'll 'elp," he said as he moved away. With a sudden spin on his heel he grabbed her about the waist and tugged. Dandswell pulled at her hands and the two of them were able to wrench her free. Jade screeched and stamped on Jack's toes. Cursing, he made Dandswell hold her whilst he fetched a spare length of rope with which to bind her hands.

"When you've quite finished shootin' daggers at me, missy, 'ow's about you give me a reason not to think you stark ravin' bonkers?"

She looked up at him with spiteful tears. "Jes' don' change course. Yeh'll see, we're close now. S' beautiful, 's killin' meh inside. We have t' get t' them."

Jack squinted past the bow and saw nothing but mist. "That's not good." He called to the crew, "We turn back. Adjust course starboard an' with the sun."

"No!" Jade screamed.

Jack winced. The high-pitched sound that came from the faux pirate was not something he had experienced. Something was clearly wrong. This was confirmed as he strode to take the helm. The schooner jolted as it struck a sloping reef, sending its crew sprawling to the boards. Jade was up and running before any of them got to their feet.

"Stop!" Sparrow called but on she stumbled, tied hands clasped to her stomach. He raced after her but stopped dead in the middle of the deck as the ship gave a mournful groan. The air was thick and soundless in the way it dampens when one has been too close to loud noise. For a moment he thought he heard a faint chattering.

All at once there were a rounded dozen slimy monsters perching on the rails around the ship. Sharp teeth grinned about sets of pipes, upon which they were presumably chewing for Sparrow could hear no music. They had goblin features but with gills and webbed limbs. The rest of the crew drew their swords. Jack watched in horror as the creatures growled at the pirates and launched into battle.

Ahead, Jade stood at the ship's prow, oblivious to all that was happening behind her. Another of the goblin creatures was sitting on the bowsprit and was still 'playing' its set of pipes. The young woman stood, entranced.

Jack started forward and drew his pistol from its holster. A gurgling shriek to his left compelled him to turn with a dismayed expression and blast a creature that had been hurtling through the air towards him. He narrowly avoided getting splattered with black goo. Reverting his attention to Jade, he goggled, open-mouthed, as the musical monster leapt upon her and sank its teeth into her neck.

In clumsy desperation, Sparrow shoved his empty pistol back in his belt and ran for her. One hand grasped the creature's sticky scruff whilst his other carefully pinched its snout and peeled it away from Jade's throat. Immediately the incensed fiend began biting the length of his arm.

"Ow! Ow! Bugger! Bugger! Ow!"

The Captain tore the thing from him and cast it to the deck. His boot pressed upon its writhing form. It snapped at him, drooling. Jack drew his sword and quickly skewered the monster before he staggered back in his unsurefooted manner. Panicked, he spun to yell at those crewmen not engaged in combat. "I want those jibs shifted! The wind must take us off this shelf now! Move!" He rushed to Jade and released the rope that bound her. She looked up at him in pained bewilderment.

"Jack? Worr'appened? That thin' was…_drinkin' _meh."

"That would be your pipers what you were so eager to meet," Sparrow replied wryly. "Ought to call 'em _vam_pipers if you ask me." They stumbled to keep their balance as the ship slid from where she was beached. The mist parted when they reached deeper waters and the squirming, gargling imps cast themselves overboard to find their home.

Jack winced at the stinging in his arm and brushed the slime from his coat sleeve. "All clear?" he shouted.

"Aye, Cap'n, all ten of 'em!" cried one of the men.

"Ten?" Sparrow murmured.

Jade turned to him. Her eyes went wide, she gasped and drew her knife. Dumbstruck, Jack ducked. There was a guttural squeal as Jade stabbed the piper that had been perching upon the Captain's hat. She pulled her arm back, the limp thing dangling from the blade. Jack returned the young woman's grimace with an empathetic smile.

"Oh."


	3. Ten Lords A Leaping

"What did yeh do _this _time?" Jade whined, just in time to be heard before cannon-fire ruled the sound waves. A shot tore over their heads and blasted a man from the deck. Jack grimaced and scrabbled with the wheel, veering the _Black Pearl _out of the range of their pursuers.

"You know how I might've mentioned that I owe them all money?"

Miss Starfall turned her gaze from the fleet of furious pirate lords and gave the Captain a pained stare.

"Now I owe them more."

Jade didn't blink. "How much more?" Again the cannons blared. She ducked and ran for the main deck as pieces of the sails floated down in tatters. Men raced about tending the sails and hurling unnecessary cargo, hoping they wouldn't be the next to suffer. Jade bit her lip and looked up at Jack in his high but exposed position. "Can we outrun 'em?"

"As long as the wind holds out," he answered grimly. Then his brow furrowed as he looked ahead. Letting go of the helm he took out his spyglass, extended it and squinted at the horizon. At the same moment that a voice from the crow's nest shouted "Sail ho!" Jack lowered the spyglass and winced.

"Bugger."

Anxiously, Jade clambered halfway up the steps. "What is it? Woss wrong? Why are they after us, Jack?"

"I stole their diamond." Sparrow's eyes were still fixed to the ship in the distance that was heading straight for them.

"So? Isn't tha' expected of yeh?"

"It wasn't just a diamond. It was a key. A key to some'ing very old an' sacred to the Court."

"Well, can' yeh jus' give it back?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I sold it."

Another shot shattered one of the decorative beacons perched on the _Pearl_'s aft. Jade whimpered, the shower of glass just missing her. She scrambled up to his side, keeping low.

"Why would yeh do some'at so stupid?" she growled.

Sparrow sucked his teeth and rounded on her, expression tainted with sarcasm. "Because I didn't bloody well know it _wasn't _just a diamond, all right?" A beat, and he added, "It got me the _Pearl _back, at least."

Jade stared at him sullenly. "Yeh set y' whole kind on yeh jes' t' get y' ship back?"

He made no reply.

She sighed. "So where's th' jewel now?"

Just as Jack was on the verge of some response, shouts came from below.

"All throw down your weapons! This ship is now the property of His Majesty the King!" Officers of the Royal Navy poured out of the hatch to the hold and swarmed across the deck, rifles aimed at every pirate. Several hurried up the steps to apprehend Jack who was bravely peering out from behind Jade. Once every member of the _Pearl_'s crew was held hostage, the leader emerged, short statured enough to make even Jack seem tall and topped with his typical white wig.

"Hello Jack," said Beckett.

Forced forward by two armed guards, Jack pulled a face. "'Ow long 'ave you been down there?"

"Long enough," was the disgusted reply.

"I don't suppose you lot could all pop back down again for a few more hours and commandeer me ship later?" Sparrow suggested weakly.

"Unfortunately."

"Thing is, mate, there's an angry Brethren Court just be'ind me."

Lord Beckett smiled coolly. "And _that _is the _Endeavour_." He pointed to the rapidly approaching ship.

Jack matched the smile, trying to appear amiable. "You're going to face eight ships with two?"

"No, Mr Sparrow, I'm going to face eight ships with twenty." As he spoke, more ships came into view beyond the _Endeavour_.

"I'm getting a plaguing sense of déja vu," the pirate captain muttered. He turned and noticed that already the Brethren fleet was slowing its advance.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot to thank you, Jack."

"Thank me?"

"For giving me the diamond." Enjoying the pirate's surprise despite his refusal to show it, Beckett continued, "The merchant to whom you sold it has ties with the East India Trading Company. He handed it over personally. Now all I need to know is where this secret place of the Court's is so that I may open it, and for that I need your compass."

"What compass?"

Beckett rolled his eyes and pulled out a pistol. "The one we will undoubtedly find on your person should there be a need to search it once it is cold."

"Yeh have what yeh wanted, can' yeh jes' leave 'im alone now or are yeh still pledged t' bein' a bully like all them that clearly teased yeh at school?" Jade called snidely.

"Ah, Miss Starfall, isn't it? If I'm not mistaken, you also have an overdue appointment with the gallows for associating with Mr Sparrow." Jack gave a cough that sounded suspiciously like '_aptain_'. Ignoring him, Beckett resumed, "He and I have a history. I will not bore you with the details but, needless to say, we have both earned our shared dislike of the other. The smaller the amount of time in which I am to tolerate him, the better."

Jack gave a feigned smile of pleasantry. "Supposing I do 'ave a compass with the capacity to which you refer, what makes you so certain it will work for _you_?"

"The compass is not a person, Jack, it does not need persuasion."

"No, but it won't work for someone deceiving 'imself, will it? The compass will not take you to wherever the diamond fits."

"And why is that?" Lord Beckett asked, becoming irritated.

Jack parted his coat and unclipped the black, octagonal box he had been concealing at his belt. He tossed it to Cutler. "See for y'self."

Greedily, Beckett flipped the lid and waited for the compass needle to stop spinning. It clunked to a halt, pointing directly at Sparrow. At first he swallowed back rage, believing the item to be playing tricks. "It is faulty."

"No, it works. Flattering though the result would seem," Jack explained, "it points to me because that is what you most desire." All around them, Beckett's guards turned their heads, their expressions aghast.

Beckett gritted his teeth. "That is not -."

"What you want most in this world," Jack interrupted, "is me…"

"Shut up!"

"…dead." Satisfied, yet unnerved by the ensuing silence, the pirate watched his enemy realise.

"Then if I achieve this goal, I can use the compass to find the diamond's resting place?" The pistol once again trained upon Sparrow.

"You need a member of the Court to open it," Jack said quickly. "'Ow many of those do you 'ave, ay?"

Beckett looked past him to the Brethren ships that had begun turning tail. "As many as I want, actually."

"Bird in the hand? 'S got to count for some'ing, 'as'n'it? Look, let me try to find the place for you, an' then you can shoot me after, savvy?"

"Fine," Beckett said, scowling. He threw the compass back to Jack.

"I'll need the diamond."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know enough about it. Don't know, can't find, no treasure."

Cutler turned away so as not to show where he had concealed the jewel and then passed it via his guards to the pirate. "Watch him at every moment. If he tries anything, shoot him."

Jack put his palms together in mock thanks and took the diamond. He held it in one hand and opened the compass in the other. The needle spun and spun. He frowned at it, trying to make sense. At last it stopped, wavering, pointing to his left, but when he turned, the needle moved again. He turned back and carefully drifted the compass in the air. The needle moved accordingly, indicating something close by. The answer struck him when he passed the compass around the diamond – the needle pointed to it no matter where it was held.

"It's inside…" he whispered. Jack focused on the jewel, becoming lost. Wisps of silvery light began to shoot around him like miniscule comets.

"What is he doing?" Beckett cried. "Stop him!" The vertically challenged lord marched forward, pistol raised.

"Jack!" Jade broke free from her captor, fearing for the pirate's imminent death. She did not get far before the butt of a rifle slammed into the back of her head. The flashes of silver were now orbiting Sparrow in blurs that were almost obscuring him. As her consciousness faded, Miss Starfall collapsed through the shimmering barrier. In seconds, both she and the pirate captain had vanished.


	4. Nine Ladies Dancing

Arms folded, Scarlett and Giselle scowled at the pirate captain with the stinging face who had once been a valued customer. "We told you, no ladies allowed what don't work 'ere. It's not an 'otel. What makes you think we'll allow this trollop in?"

"One more won't make much difference," said Jack. They slapped him again. He grimaced but persisted. "I need cover. She's 'urt an' it's the only place I trust she'll be safe. I'll pay double the cost, the charges for the room and the pretence of service, savvy?" He looked down at the barely conscious form of the woman in his arms and then to the dolled-up whores. Sparrow put on his most charming smile. "'Ow about it? For me?"

Their jealousy momentarily put aside, the two Tortugan floozies exchanged glances.

"All right, 'and 'er over then," said Giselle.

Jack frowned.

"You ain't comin' in with 'er."

Scarlett rubbed her thumb and forefingers together. "Unless…"

The pirate rolled his eyes. "Triple, an' that's me offer."

"You're lucky Christmas 'as made our 'earts so gen'rous. Quickly then." Giselle lifted her skirts for better movement and motioned to the brothel's entrance. Once inside she retrieved a key from a cabinet and handed it to him. "Second room on your left, top of the stairs."

Jack bobbed a thankful bow and made for the steps.

"Sparrow…"

He turned slowly, eyes wide with innocence. Their vicious glares burned into him.

"No off-the-register business on our property."

Smiling weakly, Jack replied, "Wouldn't dream of it." The hands drew back ready to strike. He dashed up the stairs and into the specified room. As quick as he could, he laid the girl on the bed and returned to lock the door. Eyes darting about his surroundings, the pirate hurried to the window and peered out carefully. No one seemed to be watching from the streets. If they were lucky, neither the EITC nor the Brethren would be informed of their presence. He pulled the curtains closed, lit a few lamps and perched on the bedside. Then he waited, toying with his fingers and glancing occasionally to the bed's occupant.

Eventually, Jade stirred. She looked blearily about until her gaze settled upon him, at which point she startled herself upright.

"Easy," Jack blurted, palms raised to pacify her. "You took a knock, lie still. You're safe."

"Safe?" she shouted. "When will I ever be safe when yeh about?" She winced and rested back against the great pillows cushioning the headboard. "Where'm I?" She took in the ornate surroundings; the silks; the satins; the fancy canopy above; the beautiful furniture; the paintings of pastoral landscapes; and the soft rugs sprouting across the polished wooden boards. The smells of perfume danced violently in the air. "Whose house is this?"

Jack opened his mouth and raised his index fingers, hesitating over an explanation. A hesitation was too long. Jade sprang off the opposite side of the bed and ran for the door. She grasped the handle and yelped as it rattled. Keeping the door pressed against her back for comfort, she drew her knife.

"Give meh the key!"

"Jade…I'm not going t-."

"Give it t' meh!"

The pirate relented and threw it to her. She caught it and turned to the door. Jack seized his chance to attempt to grab her as she turned to free herself but leapt back, narrowly avoiding a slice to his stomach. Jade barrelled out of the door and fled down the corridor, too dazed to locate the stairs, paying little heed to the drunken gentlemen she passed with paid goods on their arms. She blundered into a large open room and froze.

It might have been a pleasant space, she considered, what with the shining festive decorations on the walls and dangling from the ceiling. Red-ribboned wreaths hung in the corners and a warm fire blazed hungrily in its hearth. The furnishings were fit for a palace. It was the people that drew her attention. People draped across chaise-longues, lounging upon floor cushions, sitting upon sofas, propped against walls and gathered around tables. A good portion of them were men, at least half of them inebriated, and the women, their faces rouged, skirts swishing, corsets heaving, many of them dancing, were caught in such a lewd picture that Jade could hardly believe her eyes. She could not even bring herself to look at those wearing even less.

Several of the gentlemen in the room turned their attention upon her. A few of them cheered.

"Look, lads! Get a feast of 'er, eh? She's wearin' breeches!"

Laughter ensued with more cheering.

"What's she think she keeps in those?" chortled another. "Come 'ere, you cheeky minx, we'll show you where you're going wrong!"

Jade gasped and bolted back out. To her dismay, there was a roar of excitement from within.

"A chase!" they cheered. "First to find the rabbit gets to have her first! Someone bring some mistletoe."

Terrified, she darted for the stairs. Discovering they were blocked off by some visually compromising actions, she balked and turned back. Nowhere else to go, she ran through the first open door she came across. It closed behind her.

Within seconds the rowdy bunch of presumptuous customers were thundering down the passageway. One man thumped upon the door. He was surprised to find that when it opened a pistol barrel was pressing firmly to his nose. He looked nervously to the rogue-eyed pirate holding the gun.

"Er, beggin' your pardon, sir, but did you 'appen to see a little strumpet dressed like a boy? Just a game we're all playin', you see. I don't want any trouble."

Jack fixed him with a stare. "I might've 'eard light steps patterin' down the stairs. If you'll excuse me, my privacy is included in the price."

"Yes, o' - o' course. Apologies, sir." The man hurried off.

Sparrow locked the door and holstered the pistol, not wishing to cause any more distress to the woman hovering in the far corner. He made as if to speak but thought better of it. It appeared she had noticed, for after a few moments had passed she burst out in fearful hysterics.

"You-! Y' said _safe_? Can' believe that – no, no I _can _believe. _Safe_? Chris'! What the -?" She clenched her fists, the knife still clutched in her right hand. "Jack! Yeh took meh to a _whorehouse_?"

"Just calm down…"

Jade gave out a cracked laugh and let the knife fly. It embedded itself in the wall an inch to the right of Jack's head. She shocked herself into silence, petrified of what he would do. She watched him simply walk to the bed and take a seat, back against the headboard. His legs stretched out upon the quilt, he tipped his hat over his eyes and reclined. Awkwardly, Jade began to realise that the enemy in the room was not the man on the bed. Clutching her aching head, she trudged toward him and sat upon the edge of the covers.

"They nearleh…"

"They wouldn't."

"But -."

"The moment they found you weren't of the house, they wouldn't be willing to pay the expense nor risk losing their right to do business."

Jade turned to face him and mumbled, "What if they 'adn' believed meh?" Jack tilted his hat back in order to meet her eye. His expression held no solace. She sighed and rolled flat onto the bed, keeping as far to his opposite side as possible. She crossed her arms and glowered at the canopy. "This is a rott'n Christmas. Why can' I 'ave a normal one wiv silly songs an' roast dinner, or snow? Stupid Caribbean…"

The pirate captain pinched out the lamp nearest to him and made no comment.

After a while she added, "Least I c'n get some sleep."

The law of sod could not resist. From the room adjacent came a rhythmic thudding accompanied by loud breathing and feminine moans. Mortified, Jade gave a half sob and looked to the suspiciously rigid pirate. With a sulky toned "I hate yeh…" she buried her head in her pillow.


	5. Eight Maids A Milking

The merciful morning arrived. Jade woke from her single hour of sleep to find Jack sitting on the edge of the opposite side of the bed, staring at the diamond he had placed upon the quilt. He perched in a curious manner - with one leg half on, one boot touching the floor. His elbow rested upon his elevated knee and during his distant thoughts he nibbled his thumbnail.

"Jack?" she said, brushing her aching head. She glanced about at the room, remembering where she was. "Why don' I remember the journeh? How did yeh get meh 'ere anyways?"

"I think…the diamond brought us."

"Eh?"

Sparrow flicked out his compass, showing once more that the needle refused to waver from the jewel. "The secret place the Brethren are so wanton to hide seems to be _inside _it, or rather it is perhaps both key and lock in itself." He watched it, as though wary of its power. "I saw countless places in there. There was some sort of…pull… between it and the compass. I thought of Tortuga and 'ere we were."

"It jes' _jumped _us?"

Jack offered his compass to her and gestured to the gem with his other hand. "Try it."

At first, Jade shrank back.

"Wossa matter? Cam' on, anywhere you want to go, think of it an' look into its heart."

She looked at him dubiously. "What if it jes' goes off soon as I touch it? I c'd get stranded anywheres!"

The pirate's hand clamped onto her shoulder. She was not sure how much to be comforted. Taking a drawn out breath, Jade reached for the diamond and clutched both it and the compass tightly in hand. Her gaze drifted across the room, sweeping past the rural canvases in their frames.

"Anywhere but 'ere…"

As Jack looked on, excited tadpoles of silver darted around the young woman. He had not seen them when he had been lost in the jewel himself, but now he watched them cautiously, eyes restless. The spurts of light coiled up his fingers where he gripped her and rippled over him.

Somewhere in the snow-covered English countryside, two figures dropped out of the air, one crunching upon a pile of frosted grass, the other rolling across hard earth. Captain Sparrow groaned, thankful that his coat had absorbed most of the impact. He sat up and looked to Jade as she extricated herself from her own imprint in the snow. The pirate surveyed the open fields and simple farmhouses. He raised an eyebrow.

"This is what you 'ad in mind?"

Jade glared at him. "I d'know. I jes' looked at one'f the pictures in the room. Looks the same t' me." She pointed at the cottage in the distance. "There, y'see? We went wherever the paintin' is, jes' a bit different with all the snow everywhere."

Jack approached her, feigning interest in the scenery. He snatched the diamond out of her hand. Instinctively she made a grab for it, loath to lose such freedom, but it was pocketed barely a split-second after she reacted. She scowled and placed the compass into his waiting palm.

"So now wha-?" she uttered until Jack shushed her and suddenly dragged her into taking cover against the wall of a nearby barn. Giggling, feminine voices sounded nearby. Sparrow peered around the corner to see a line of young women, all wrapped up warm, carrying pails out of the barn and on toward the farmhouse. The lowing of cattle could be heard within.

When the women had passed, Jack crept across to the barn's entrance. Jade emerged and regarded the ladies with surprise. "'S a lot'f milkmaids…"

"'As to be," the pirate replied where he stood at the door. "Lot of cows." He wandered into the barn, Miss Starfall following closely behind. The beasts, at least a score of them, stood in rows around the edges of the structure, munching away at their feed. In the centre of the barn sat a gathering of eight milking stools and a few full pails waiting for collection. Jade rubbed her arms against the cold, finding the air became thicker and warmer when she neared the cows. Jack made straight for the buckets and crouched beside the first he came to.

"What're yeh doin'?"

"Sampling," he said, grinning. "Must be nearin' four years since I last tasted milk so fresh it's still warm." He dipped a hand into the pail and sucked the liquid from his fingers, the sight of which made Jade hurriedly turn her face. She was not sure why.

"Yeh know that stuff c'n make yeh sick."

Sparrow smirked and started toward her. He paused mid-step and pulled an uncertain face, his hand flattening against his stomach. His face paled and he stumbled. He gasped as though illness was overwhelming him and made a sudden dash behind a large haystack in the corner.

"It en't meant to happen that fast," Jade mumbled. She heard Jack yelp. "Jack? Stop playin' about, yeh're worryin' meh." She neared the haystack, her breath misting in the cold air, and listened. There was a momentary scrabbling, the haystack rustled and then all was still. "Cap'n?" Fearing what she might see, even if it was only going to be the pirate playing one stupid prank to scare her out of her wits, Jade closed her eyes and jumped to the back of the haystack. She opened them again and her jaw dropped. The faux pirate sank to her knees and crawled slowly to what lay before her. Sparrow's clothes were scattered about this small space: boots; coat; forlorn hat; effects and all. The haystack made a shuffling noise once more that drew her attention.

"Jack?" she whispered. "Izzat you?"

After a long pause, a voice from within the stack said "Aye." It was very quiet, but unmistakably the pirate's.

"Are yeh all righ'?"

"I think the milk did some'ing to me…" Still his voice sounded far away; almost meek.

Relieved he was at least not poisoned, Jade found the humour to sneer. "Come over all itchy an' blotchy, did yeh?" She squinted at the hay mound for telltale signs of movement. "Yeh comin' back out? I won' look."

"No," Jack said, firmly. "Fine here. Ta for asking."

"Yeh can' stay in there…"

"Oh yes I can."

Jade carefully slid a hand into the wall of hay. She hissed in pain and pulled back out swiftly as something sharp batted at her fingers. "Oww! What in th' heck wazzat?"

A distinctive, soft growl came from the stack. "Don't try to see me."

Rebelliously, the young woman licked a drop of blood from an injured finger and began to hurl armfuls of hay aside. It did not take Jack long to realise what she was up to.

"No-no! Stoppit! No-no! Jade, I order you to leave it!"

With a wild determination she ignored him and flung yet more of the dried grass to and fro. Only when the whimpering captain burst out with one final, desperate "Stop!" did she cease and peer into the ravaged stack.

Out of the complete stillness came the faintest trace of movement. Hay tumbled off a tiny, caramel-hued head of fur. Dark eyes glittered amidst circles of chocolate brown fuzz. The face tilted upward timidly, revealing drooping whiskers and two longer tufts of brown fur that feathered from the chin.

Jade gawped. The scruffy kitten cringed, flicking its tail.

"Fractious wench," it said.

She couldn't help it. The faux pirate burst out into abrasive shrieks of laughter.


	6. Seven Swans A Swimming

The peaceful scene of the lake was obliterated as a paw-flailing scruffball shot out of the thicket and dive-bombed into the icy waters. Seconds later a young woman in a green frockcoat and a blue bandanna burst onto the banks, her panicked eyes searching the disturbance. It was not long before the fading ripples suddenly changed into a frothing mass of upsurging water.

Jack surfaced and gasped in oxygen before ducking down immediately to reveal only his face. His smeary-circled eyes radiated a deep sulk and he looked to Jade where she stood, his clothes bundled under one arm and his hat on her head.

"Put 'em in that hedge over there an' turn round," he grumbled. "An' I'd appreciate your promptness before I freeze to death, savvy?"

Jade obliged, choosing not to point out that the hedge was not evergreen and provided very little cover. She waited for him to don his clothes and effects, turning only when she felt the hat lift off her head. Beard still dripping, Sparrow finished his ensemble and sniffed against the chill.

"Don' yeh go gettin' ill an' dyin' on meh," she grumbled.

"Bloody witches," he muttered. "What're they at bein' milkmaids wiv magic like that?"

Jade shrugged. "Survivin'?" She watched him shiver and added, "We best get yeh somewhere warm, aw'ight? That can't've been good for yeh." She produced the diamond from her coat pocket. "How about some'ere in east Europe?"

"I don't need a walk in the sun, Jade. We'll just get us back to Tortuga. All I need's a bottle o' rum, will do me fine." He made a grab for the diamond but she jumped back.

"Oh no, we en't usin' this jes' so yeh c'n get y'self ratted, an' I en't goin' near that 'ell'ole 'til they forget m' face." A smirk graced her features. "'Sides, yeh owe them money now." Jack's moustache twitched in a grimace. He snatched at the jewel again and she dashed along the snowy bank.

"'Ow about the south'f France?" she suggested, calling over her shoulder. "Yeh like France. Or Italy? Yeh can' go back t' the _Pearl_, they'll be waitin' for yeh. An' the Caribbean? F'get it. It'll be swarmin' wi' East India thugs." She turned around to face him, still retreating. She smirked at him. "Mebbeh I'll go there on meh own, trade yeh in? Y' reward ought t' be sufficient t' make anyone rich f'r life."

Sparrow made another dash for her. She whirled to run and almost slipped over backwards. A huge swan barred her way, its wings spread, hissing maliciously. Jade tried to back off but was pounced upon by the pursuing pirate. He grappled with her hands, trying to prise the diamond from them.

"Jack!" she squeaked and nodded her head toward the swan. He turned and cried out as the incensed bird launched. It beat its wings loudly and tried to snap at their hands. Instinctively, both of them leapt aside. The diamond dropped to the ground and slid for the lake. Jack gasped and made a snatch for it but the swan stabbed out with its beak, forcing him to jump back. He whimpered as more swans swarmed across the cold lake. One of them drew up close to where the diamond lay half in, half out of the water. Its tail waggled and it stretched out its neck. To the pirate and the girl's horror, the swan took the jewel into its beak. Jack immediately drew his pistol and aimed it at the bird. Jade pulled his arm down.

"Don't!"

The swan on the bank hissed. The rest of the colony started to emerge from the water, waddling toward them with menace in their posture. Sparrow gave the thieving swan a pained look. In response it swallowed the diamond.

"No!" The pistol arm rose again but the gathering on the bank ran at the humans.

Jade whimpered and dragged Jack backward. They scrabbled up the slippery bank and fled into the nearest body of trees.


	7. Six Geese A Laying

Deep in the forest came the sound of one hand slapping. Jade peered anxiously into the fallen Sparrow's face. She babbled at him in useless reassurance. "Stay awake, Jack! What th' 'ell's wrong with yeh? I know yeh en't used t' th' cold so much, but yeh aw'ight. Yeh aw'ight." Her hand touched his face and she winced at the moisture of fever she found. She had to find help.

Gripping the shoulders of his coat, the young woman dragged him through the thick snow. "Chris', f'r such a little pirate, yeh en't 'xactly a feather t' move…" She trudged on for at least an hour, stopping and starting as her energy waxed and waned. What had seemed to be a small copse of trees had extended into an infinite mass of woodlands.

When she could go no further lest exhaustion cause her to drop, she whined at the skinny, leafless trees, "'S no good. Where'm I goin' t' find anyone t' help in this awful place? It en't fair." She turned to scowl at Jack, forcing back bitter tears. "Well when yeh die, I en't takin' th' blame. Lookit what yeh got us int'. I hate yeh!" She kicked at him.

There was a loud _whumpf _noise and the ground gave way beneath them. Jade slid down a chute, snow petering out into plain earth, and dropped onto the floor of a torch-lit cave. The unconscious pirate lay a few feet away. Rubbing at her bruised back, Miss Starfall got up and approached the scene ahead. There were tables lined with all kinds of apparatus: glass tubes; vials of strange liquids; spinning metal trinkets; pots that ejected puffs of smoke every few seconds. Beyond this was a barred section like a cell, in which, from this distance, Jade could see several white birds seated in large trays. An old man was busying himself wandering between the cluttered tables, dropping herbs into varying tubes.

Just as she was about to announce her presence, the grey-haired man croaked out, "I don't have time for visitors. It's not Christmas yet, and I told Benjamin I wouldn't come out before then…" He turned and squinted at Jade. "Oh, it's you, Jane. What is it you want? Hurry up, girl, lots to do. And why are you wearing those dreadful clothes?"

Jade chose not to correct him. The name was close enough. "I…m' friend's sick, sirrah. C'n yeh help 'im?"

The old man did not seem to think her accent anything unusual and came to examine Jack. "Hmm…yes, yes that'll about do it." He tugged at his silver beard.

"Eh? Pardon, sirrah?"

He sniffed. "He is almost certainly going to die."

Jade swallowed at the lump in her throat. "Please…c'n yeh help?"

The old man muttered and poked Jack with a bony finger. "His manner of dress is also most peculiar."

"He's jes' a sailor type," she burbled.

He chuckled. "And I'm a harmless old man."

Jade bit her lip. "Please? I'll give yeh…this pendant…" She untied the cord about her throat and offered her blue lapis stone.

"Hmm…" The old man took it and looked it over. "Valuable to you, but you don't remember why," he mumbled. He wandered back into the main body of the cave and then beckoned for her to follow.

"C'n yeh make him well ag'in?"

"I can't, but they can," he replied, pointing to the cell of geese. "All you need is one egg from them."

"D'yeh have one?"

"No. They have not laid one in years. You see, they are very finicky creatures. They like their music. My voice is not what it once was and I can't very well get a band of minstrels down here blundering about and breaking my wares. If you want an egg from them, you will have to sing." He smiled at the look of distaste she gave. "Oh and they keep up very well with the seasons. There is a plaque in there giving clues as to the songs they like this time of year. Better get to it, dear. Wait too long and all you will require is a spade."

Jade choked back a yelp and opened the door to the goose enclosure. There were six of them. They tilted their heads and watched her curiously. One hissed. She swallowed and stepped a bit closer. "'llo geese…" Tentatively, she approached the old plaque that rested, propped, beneath the middle two birds on their elevated trays. It read:

_Spied a triad of vessels water-crossing on,_

_Prickled and climbing plants presently equally matured_

_And pig's top twixt fingers conveyed by me._

Jade pulled a face. "Stupid riddles." She looked back to the old man. "Wharr'if I don' know the songs?"

"You will know them. The plaque knows, so you know."

"Pff, tha's comfortin'…" she said under her breath. Minutes ticked by and she puzzled over the words, the riddle made harder to solve by the pressure she was under. She reached a conclusion and inhaled slowly. "I thin' I gorrit." Her eyes swept across the waiting geese. _Yeh better like m' singin' yeh rott'n featherbags. _"I saw three ships come sailin' by, on Chris'mas Day, on Chris'mas Day…th' 'olly an' the ivy now are bof' made grown, of all th' trees tha're in th' wood, th' 'olly bears th' crown…the boar's 'ead in 'and bring I, bedeck'd wiv bays an' rosem'ry…" She added lines from a couple of extra carols she could recall for good measure and rounded off. Jade watched the geese. They remained completely still.

"Well?" she cried. "Don' I get anyfin'?"

The goose on the far right slowly stood up in its tray and edged backward, revealing a large egg. The young woman smiled with relief and grabbed the egg from the nest before bolting out to the old man. "Now wha'? How d'we give it to 'im?"

He took it carefully from her jittering hands and broke it open into a tankard. A few herbs were added to the liquid and then he stirred it to a yellow gunk. "There." He handed it to her. Jade wrinkled her nose and dashed back to where Jack lay.

"Yeh aw'ight, Cap'n. If water's goin' t' be th' death of yeh, it sure as 'ell en't goin' t' be a piddlin' little lake." She lifted his head and tipped the mixture between his lips. It worked with surprising alacrity. The pallid hue to the pirate's face faded and he opened his eyes.

"'allo Jade." He raised an eyebrow at her look of amazement. "Some'ing troubling you?"

"Er…"

Sparrow got to his feet with a spring in his step. He caught sight of the old man, glanced about the cave, looked to the floor and then back to the old man again. He gave a broad smile. "Ta very much for allowing us the priv'lege your shelter, mate. Much appreciated." Jack put his palms together and bowed in thanks. Then, without tarrying a moment longer, he marched off through the cave in search of the exit. "Cam' on, Jade, I've a mind to go pilferin' an' no time like it."

The young woman gritted her teeth in exasperation. She turned to offer her gratitude but was stunned to find that the old man, the disarrayed tables and the six geese were nowhere to be seen. She became aware of something in her hand and brought it into sight. Jade whispered thanks to the empty cave and fastened her pendant once again.


	8. Five Gold Rings

"'m goin' t' kill 'im."

Two days she had been held prisoner on this festering ship of coast-hugging bandits after Jack's _ingenious _plan had backfired. Had she mentioned she didn't like the plan, wouldn't go along with said plan under any circumstances especially not if she had been plied with rum and coaxed into a bet she would certainly lose?

Jade grumbled and tugged idly at the great flouncy skirt of her extravagant gown. She questioned whether she would discover a means of escape before the rumours arose that she was not in fact a member of royalty as a silver-tongued Sparrow had spouted whilst guised as a cotton-brained merchant. Perhaps the ruse would have worked if the bandits had been the Spanish Navy officers he had expected. If he hadn't lost the _Pearl_ again this probably wouldn't have happened. He was out there, somewhere, lying unconscious on a sinking boat.

"If either of us survives long enough t' see the other, I'll kill 'im."

At least she had been fortunate that the bandits had only money on their minds. They were not plagued by the lusts of those on the open ocean. Jade knew she was unbelievably fortunate in falling amongst Jack's lot rather than most of his kind, but even he pushed his luck on occasion. She could not help the nagging fear that one day he would rule out her wants with his own.

The brunette faux-duchess waited. She scuffed the damp boards of her cell with a slippered foot and toyed idly with the jewellery that had been provided for her pretence, a ring for all the digits of her right hand. She wondered vaguely if they were real gold.

"Psst," hissed a voice. Jade frowned and glanced about the brig. The voice tried again with a more familiar tone. "Oi, missy, you in there?" It was coming from the porthole above her head. Incredulous, she made sure no one was watching and clambered up to the window. Kohl-ringed eyes beneath a well-worn bandanna peered back at her.

"Jack? How-? F'get it, I don't need t' know. What 'appened t' yeh followin' yeh stupid Code? Those'at fall behind…"

"That's any _man_ what falls be'ind," the pirate corrected. "To my regret, as things stand, a woman is one of the world's most valuable currencies. So, with or without your consent, I'm filchin' you back." His face disappeared from view, replaced momentarily by his hand as he shoved something small and spherical, covered with sticky kelp into the opening. "I would suggest, love, that you move," came his muffled commands. "Away from the window, and take cover. Fast."

Just as tinder struck a flare, the realization arose in her mind. Jade threw herself to the floor and curled into a tight ball as the fuse smouldered. Wood exploded from the side of the bandits' ship, causing shouts of alarm to erupt on deck. She raised her head to gawp at the empty space through which she could now see Sparrow balancing in the middle of a longboat. He was still dressed in the idiotic pastel colours of his merchant character.

"Cam' on, move!" he whispered, beckoning wildly.

Jade scrambled out of the newly made hole in the ship's hull and leapt for the boat. "Jack, what're yeh playin' at? Yeh can't think yeh c'n escape 'em in _this_?" She gestured to the dinghy and scoffed.

"As a matter of fact…no, we're going to swim."

"What?"

Not giving her the luxury of time to be startled, Jack pulled her overboard. In minutes they were dashing up the shore and taking cover in a tide-sculpted cave. They waited in silence for an hour to be sure they had not been pursued and then began to set up camp. Jade shivered in her sodden, ruined dress of garish finery and huddled beside the scraps of kindling the pirate hoped to ignite. At last a spark took and the faintest flame lit up his victorious grin.

"Jade…" he said. Her response was a scowl, followed by a sneeze so powerful that the fire extinguished. He exhaled in the dark. "Merry Christmas."

She struck out. Hard. Come morning his face would bear the reddened imprints of five rings.


	9. Four Colly Birds

The marketplace was thrumming with overcrowded populace. Jade had to grip Jack's sleeve to avoid being dragged away in the monkey-puzzle movement of bodies. He had a bizarre intuition for knowing where to move, as though it was a well-practised dance. People made it easy for him to pass, although having a pointy hat helped.

"So this man said 'e'd 'elp us get t' th' next ship headin' f'r England?" she asked. "Yeh speak Spanish?"

"Sí, señorita. Sorprendido?"

Miss Starfall rolled her eyes and followed him down a cobbled street. They passed under a white archway to the front of an unkempt house where a middle-aged man was tending to the horses that stood before a great wagon. He turned to Sparrow with a moustachioed smile.

"Ah, señor Sparrow, estaba empezando a pensar que tendría que dejar sin ti." The Spaniard gave Jade a twinkling stare. "Y quién es esta bella dama?"

Jack glanced from her to the smuggler and waved his hand dismissively. "Nadie de consecuencia."

The man tapped the side of his nose knowingly and indicated to the wagon. He pulled aside the vast dark sheet that covered it and revealed the contents. Four immense wooden carvings stood within: a cockerel; a swan; a grouse, and a pelican. Jack raised an eyebrow but before he could comment, the Spaniard rapped his knuckles on one of the birds, making a hollow clunking. The pirate nodded to him with impressed gratitude and clambered into the wagon, Jade following suit.

"What are yeh doin'?" she enquired as Jack began to tug at the body of the grouse. He gave it a twist and pulled off the bird's top half, revealing the space inside.

"When we come to any checkpoints, we 'ide in one o' these." Sparrow examined the removed top. "'S even got air 'oles in the beak."

The floor rattled and jerked beneath them, announcing the start of the voyage. At the town's exit, the two of them clambered inside a wooden bird each and waited until the wagon had been cleared to move on. Once half an hour had passed, they re-emerged and sat at opposite sides of the wagon, stretching their legs after the cramped conditions. Comforted by the steady travelling, they resolved to get some rest.

Jade remained awake as the wagon rumbled on, listening to the clopping of the equine hooves. She plucked at frayed threads on her breeches, grimacing at the dampness they still held. Jack had been considerate enough to bring her possessions and had stashed them in the cave before he went on his rescue mission, bringing forth the realisation that he had in fact had a more solid plan than she thought. The weathered dress had fetched a reasonable amount of money with which to bargain their passage.

A noise from the other end of the wagon snatched her attention. She stiffened and whispered urgently, "Jack!"

"Mm…" he murmured.

"Jack! One'f the birds's movin'!"

The Captain stirred and focused upon her. "Eh?" He followed her wary gaze to the carving of the cockerel. Its top slowly swivelled and was set aside with incredible grace. A man dressed in black stepped out from the bird's base.

"Buenas tardes, good lady, good sir." His face was masked from the bridge of the nose upward and he wore a black gaucho hat embellished with golden filigree. At his waist the filigree resurfaced to decorate a smart cummerbund, complimenting the shining rapier at his side. "Pardon my intrusion."

"Who are you?" Sparrow asked suspiciously.

"A traveller, like yourselves," said the stranger. He walked toward them and smiled at Jade. He looked to the pirate. "Your lady is quite beautiful. Strangely dressed but a face like hers should rightfully be admired by any art-loving Don, que no?"

"Eh, I en't his -."

"Needing similar discretion on your journey, ay?" Jack interrupted. "Welcome aboard."

The stranger beamed. "But surely it is I who must welcome you? After all, I was here in the first instance."

"But of course." Sparrow forced a smile. The air about him seemed to congeal with dislike. He gritted his teeth at the sight of Jade staring at the new arrival in all his mysterious glory. Already there were too many rascals with brown eyes in comfortable proximity.

"Señorita, permit me to sit beside you?"

Suppressing a groan, Jack tilted his hat over his eyes and attempted to sleep. He drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the silky drone of the stranger's voice as he regaled Miss Starfall passionately with tales of adventure.

Hours went by until at last the wagon came to a stop and the driver called, "Hemos llegado!"

"Ah," said the ornate stranger, "It is time for me to take my leave." He pinched the brim of his hat and nodded to Jade, before acknowledging the stirring pirate. "I am sorry you had to miss my stories, señor. Perhaps you would have enjoyed some of them? Particularly, I fancy, you would have liked the one I have not told, concerning the swan that laid a diamond?" At these words, the stranger brought out the shining jewel in question, balanced upon his gloved palm. He grinned devilishly. "Another time, perhaps?"

Jack gawped. Both he and Jade leapt to their feet, but the man made a swift escape. Sparrow lifted up the sheet to see where the stranger had gone and stared in reluctant amazement as the stylish Spaniard leapt upon a black horse, performed an elaborate motion of getting the beast to rear, and galloped off.

Unable to pursue, the two seafarers resumed the journey in the smuggler's wagon. When at last they arrived at the harbour, Jack crossed the man's palm with the required money and questioned him in the Spanish tongue. He asked about the stranger. The man simply grinned.

"Le llaman El Zorro."


	10. Three French Hens

"And I've got a better beard," the Captain whinged.

"F'r Chris' sake, Jack, will yeh shut it about Zorro?"

Together they sat in the galley aboard the ship bound for England, Jack already on his second flagon of rum. The sea was relatively calm but the cold leaked in through every entrance it could. Jade huddled inside her coat, clasping her drink vessel close.

"Oh aye, I'll 'old me tongue about that oily toe-rag what pinched me diamond…thinkin' a gen'leman o' the road can outdo one o' fortune."

Jade rolled her eyes. "Jack, yeh en't got fortune t' speak of. 'Less yeh count meh savin' yeh life all those times."

Jack pouted. "What savings? I never asked for any saving. All I know is it was me what got you away from those runners."

"_You_ put meh there in th' firs' place! Anyways, leas' now yeh know where the diamond is. If the Court come lookin' f'r it, yeh can tell 'em where it went."

"I'd rather keep the information under me 'at. So long as they know I know where it is, I might remain in one piece."

"So why're we goin' back t' England?"

"I knows a few people who can take us back to the Caribbean, minimal cost, an' should it be worth me while, those speakin' the mother tongue be easier to distract. Pick a small enough vessel to commandeer an' we can both sail out by our onesies. Would've gone sooner if you 'adn't addled me brain wiv that eggy concoction…"

Jade opened her mouth to retort but was cut off as a trio of extravagant ladies approached the table. One of them, her face luridly rouged, addressed Jack, caressing the furs about her upper arms in a suggestive manner.

"Pardon, monsieur, but did we 'ear you say sometheeng about ze Caribbean? The way you are dressed, and how you speak…why, you are not ze infamous Capitaine Jack Sparrow?"

"Oh, Chris'…" Jade pinched the bridge of her nose in despair.

The three women clustered about the Captain and began squabbling over which of them would get to sit either side of him. Jack smiled sickeningly, putting on his best bravado. Within minutes they were hanging on his every word, and anything else they could cling to. He pushed his empty flagon toward Jade.

"Jade, darlin', 'ow about you fetch me another rum?" The female attachments gave her a searing glare that screamed for her to take her leave.

"Righ' away, _Cap'n_," Jade growled. "Would yeh like it with extra spit?" He hadn't heard and was already beaming inanely at his groupies. She took both his and her empty vessels and got up to head for the kitchen, finding that her capacity to walk in a straight trajectory had been hampered more severely than she realised. Once she arrived at the serving counter she found the cook to be away from his post. "Hmph…" She cast her eyes back to Jack and the pawing Frenchwomen and grimaced as he curled his moustache for their amusement. Angrily, she turned back to the bar and began to tap her cup loudly upon it. When no one came she sighed and slumped her head in her arms over the counter.

A faint scratching noise roused her from her rest. Frowning, Jade teetered toward the sound, following it behind the bar. Her distorted vision focused upon a dark, furry thing scurrying around the boards. Jade grinned wickedly and snatched a cloth from the bar top. Several minutes later, she was creeping quietly behind the oblivious women who were swooning all over Sparrow. Taking care not to make a sound, she crouched beside the hem of the nearest lady's dress and emptied the contents of the cloth. As quick as she could without being detected, she slipped back toward the kitchen and awaited the return of the cook. From the safety of the other end of the room she watched the chaos unfold.

The lady to Jack's left jolted inside her skin. Bizarrely she did not leap away from the table itself. Jack turned to her, brow furrowed. "You all right, love?"

"Oh…oh oui, Capitaine," she lied, looking excruciatingly uncomfortable the moment his eyes averted. She made a small gasp and batted at the skirts of her huge dress. Unable to bear any more, she gave a whimper and jumped up. She looked down as the rat tumbled out. "Rat!" she screamed, to Jade's delight. At once, the other women leaped up, flapping and squawking, beating at themselves as though there were more than just the one rodent. Sobbing and snivelling they fled topside.

Finding it gravely difficult to keep the smugness inward, Jade strutted back to Jack with two full flagons. She made a show of glancing at the empty spaces on his bench. "What did yeh say this time?"

Sparrow's face portrayed innocence. "Significantly little. They'll be back, just off to powder their noses or some'ing. You know the French."

Jade looked at him dubiously. "An' it's a custom o' theirs t' scream loudly when they depart t' do such thin's, is it?"

"Clearly they're an excitable bunch," he sniffed. "Was 'alfway through telling 'em about the time I nicked off with the Duke of Austria's Christmas presents."

Jade gulped down a mouthful of rum, still holding onto his flagon. With feigned sympathy she replied, "Rats…" She pursed her lips in the moment that his gaze snapped to hers. Ever so slowly she brought the rum vessels closer to her chest and placed a foot on the floor. She presented Sparrow with an awkward smile before she scooped up the drinks and fled the galley.


	11. Two Turtle Doves

Bouncing on the spot in the thick snow, she watched anxiously as Sparrow slid the latch on the mansion's window with the edge of his sword. Not a lamp or a candle shone from inside but still Jade was less than comfortable.

"Are yeh sure they en't in?" she mumbled.

"Quite certain. Gone off to some elaborate to-do in town and will in all likeli'ood not be around to see us in or out 'til well past the witching hours." He pushed the window open and climbed into a small study. "The servant quarters are in the north wing. Should 'ave enough things to accommodate them. If we're lucky, 'alf the 'ouse is free to roam." He beckoned for her to follow. "Cam' on, you're lettin' a draft in."

Once inside, they closed the window to and crept out into dark hallways.

"Where're we goin'?" Jade whispered, surprised at how well he was able to keep quiet despite his erratic movements and his tendency to touch even the most precarious ornaments he passed.

"First to the cellar, or _a _cellar, and then, if they be unoccupied, the kitchens. You an' me, love, we're goin' to 'ave us an indoor picnic."

Muttering quietly about how he was sure to get them both killed, she tagged along behind the pirate captain as he wandered the great house. She waited for him to surface from a murky basement, a couple of bottles of brandy in hand. A distinct pout displayed on his features. "'ave to do," he said.

Jade rolled her eyes and continued on after him, wincing every time the bottles clinked. To her dismay, he shoved them into her grasp upon discovering the kitchens and left her to keep watch. She peered in through the doorway and watched him rifle through the cupboards, larders and pots with unrivalled speed. The dexterity that came with decades of practice loaded up a platter to the brim and then he light-footed back into the hall.

Avoiding the late-to-bed butler, the two of them crept back to the safety of the east wing and sought out a place to settle. They came across a snug drawing room with a small, yet opulent, array of seating. The little banquet of cold meats; fruit; bread; and slices of plum pudding, was placed upon the central sofa table, a few candles were lit and one of the chairs was shoved firmly under the door handle as a barricade. Jade slumped sideways into an armchair and hooked her legs over an arm, dangling her purple boots. Not caring that her position was awkward, she enjoyed the soft cushions beneath.

"I c'd get used t' this. Can' yeh get the _Pearl _fitted wi' this sort'f thin'?"

Jack had located a couple of snifters from a cabinet and began pouring brandy. "Saltwater and upholstery tend to 'ave a somewhat acrimonious correlation." He sat on the carpeted floor and offered her a glass. She wrinkled her nose before taking it, proceeding to eye him with suspicion.

"Tryin' t' get meh drunk?"

The pirate tipped a good half of his liquor down then uttered in a blasé voice, "To try is to achieve. Can I not be trusted to present a drink merely for your intended warmth after escapin' the cold?"

"Nah," she said, but gulped a mouthful anyway. She scrunched her eyes up as the liquid burned her throat and felt its stinging warmth sink.

Jack smiled to himself and peeled pieces of cold goose meat from the platter. The action drew the young woman's attention to her hunger and she sat upright, reaching out to scavenge as much as she could. He chuckled at her hurried manner of consumption, receiving a glare in response. "Take your time, missy. No one's cammin' in to take it back. At your ease."

"I've _seen _women at their ease with yeh, an' it en't a pretty sight," she hissed after she had swallowed her latest mouthful.

"Does one not have to pass through the door of the seedy ruin to find it is a palace? How do you know I wouldn't surprise you?"

"F'r one yeh like t' pretend yeh set in y' ways, an' woss more I never was fond'f surprises."

Sparrow grinned. He downed the last of his brandy, placed the snifter on the table and then dove onto a settee directly across from her. He reclined, one arm behind his head and the other brought up to allow the intermittent examining of fingernails and general bouncing activity.

Jade became conscious of the sounds of her chewing and sulkily engaged in admiring the room to avoid any unwanted looks from Jack. The fireplace was old and beautifully worked into the wall. Shining ornaments clustered upon its mantel: bells; a gentleman tipping his hat and a pair of entwined songbirds. She swallowed a piece of apple just as an eerie, discordant melody reached her senses. Her attention whirled to Jack.

"Wha' -?" She saw the wooden pipes pull away from his mouth, identical to those belonging to the bloodsucking creatures they had come across out on the ocean. "What're yeh doin' wi' those?"

"Apparently nothing. Can't get a bloody sound out'f it."

"Ye' y' did."

Jack tried to play them again.

"Stop it!" Jade snapped, covering her ears. "Yeh playin' it wrong. 'S awful."

The pirate studied the instrument for a moment, repositioning his hold upon it. He cupped his hand about the top to mask his mouth and blew across its surface. At the onset of the produced note, Jade dropped her brandy glass and gave a faint whimper.

Sparrow glanced up to see the young woman staring dazedly in his direction. "Jade?"

"Aye, Cap'n?" Her voice sounded far away.

"Is everything…all right?" His eyes narrowed inquisitively.

"Perfec', Cap'n…" she answered dreamily.

Jack played another note. He watched her clasp the tips of her fingers until her knuckles whitened, attention completely riveted to him. The pirate sat up, still playing the sounds he could not hear. He leaned left; Jade swayed to her right to match. He moved right; she drifted left. Unwilling to drop the discovery too soon, the Captain rose from his seat. "Walk to me." To his astonishment, Miss Starfall got up and started toward him. He fought back a laugh and began to step backwards, edging around the sofa table, breathing into the pipes every few seconds. She followed, hardly blinking. Jack completed a round of the table and arrived back in front of the settee, where he stopped. His playing, however, continued and Jade approached him in her trance. She drew close, her nose almost brushing against the instrument that was dancing her into fairyland. In between his occasional soundings, the pirate spoke quietly, provokingly.

"Ask me to keep playing."

"Please keep playin'."

He grinned and played as he considered the possibilities. An artful gleam shone in his eyes.

"Say I'm the most brilliant, most fascinating man you've ever laid eyes on…"

"Yeh th' most brilliant, mos' fascinatin' man I've ever laid eyes on."

"…an' that you can't get enough o' me…"

"I can' get enough of yeh…" she intoned.

"You would do _anything _for me…"

"I would do anythin' f'r yeh…"

Jack bit his lip to hold back his mirth, desperate not to spoil his own fun. "Tell me you tremble at the thought of me." She repeated, and he continued for a good few minutes, verging on crudity with his demands of flattery.

"Say this is the best Christmas you've ever 'ad."

"'S th' bes' Chris'mas I ever 'ad."

"Call me Captain…"

"Cap…tain…" Jade's eyes closed.

Sparrow dropped the pipes onto the settee and put his hands at her waist. He smirked, revelling in the feeling of control. He drew her closer and brought his face toward hers.

A crash sounded somewhere outside. Jade blinked out of her stupor.

"What was -," Jack began, but was interrupted by a fist connecting with his jaw. He grimaced. "I s'pose I deserved that."

Before anything further could be said, a grey, shaggy form exploded through the window at the opposite end of the room. It shook off the glass from its pelt and pulled its lips back from its teeth in an enduring snarl.

"W-wolf…" Jade murmured.

"'ho the bloody 'ell keeps wolves?" Jack blurted.

They shoved aside the barricade as the rest of the pack leapt in through the broken entryway. The two humans slammed the door behind them and fled down the hallway, marking the start of the hunt.


	12. A Pirate In A Pear Tree

Breathless, blinded through fear, she ran through the thick snow, barely able to keep up with her companion in flight. He flailed his arms as though he could find no gravity on a flat surface but how this affected his speed no longer seemed to be an illusion. She could hear them yapping and howling now, closer and closer. She dodged to avoid slamming into tree-trunks as she followed the pirate into open orchard.

Jade did not have time to comment on its beauty, the dark, naked trees dusted with the snow that had previously lain as an untouched carpet beneath. All that occupied her mind was the need for escape and the feeling of imminent sickness as the meal she had consumed threatened to resurface.

She dared to glance behind her and regretted it. Black and grey shapes were sprinting on the trail of their footsteps. They no longer needed their scent. Her gaze snapped ahead and she panicked. Sparrow was nowhere in sight.

"Jack!"

"Up!" his voice ordered from not far ahead. She darted along until she saw what must have been the oldest pear tree in the orchard. It was huge and craggy enough to climb. Jade looked up to see the Captain already in its branches, hand offered. "Quick, quick, quick!" he called urgently and helped her up. The wolves poured in around them, skittering and circling.

Trying not to lose her grip on the icy trunk, Jade bit her lip. "They can' get up 'ere, can they?"

"No," said Jack. "What worries me is 'ow long they'll wait before their masters call 'em off." She looked to him with such futility that he forced a smile. "We'll be fine, missy. We're safe up 'ere."

"F'r 'ow long?" she muttered. The branch she clung to gave a creak.

"Cam' up to this one. 'S got less snow on it an' it's tougher."

Jade scowled at him. "Don' yeh talk t' meh about climbin' trees. I've climbed more'f 'em in m' time than yeh've 'ad 'ot dinners."

"That still doesn't mean I don't know that that branch ain't goin' to 'old much longer."

"There en't room," she disputed. The branch crackled and she went pale. Jack lurched forward and snatched hold of her arm. He hauled her up to his branch an instant before hers snapped off and dropped to the wolves.

Jade lay in silence for a few moments, propped against the fork of three large branches. It seemed precarious but the structure cradled both of them like the palm of a thin hand. There was no space between them and she was forced to lie at least an inch over Jack. She could feel the blood colouring her cheeks.

"I think we'll die'f the cold before we starve," she mumbled, breathing into her hands and cupping them to her face to warm her nose.

Jack scoffed. "You were the one what wanted to be in the snow 'aving Christmas away from the Caribbean."

"The 'Caribbean' was a euphemism f'r meanin' _you_. F'r the las' two years yeh've got meh int' trouble nearleh every day."

"Then why do you not jump ship? I'm not forcing you to stay aboard nor follow my lead. Leave when the mood takes you."

She glared at him. "I _can'_ leave, Jack. 'S because'f yeh I got this wretched mark tattooed on meh. It en't possible f'r meh t' reintegrate int' society. Yeh said women were currency, Jack, an' yeh were right, onleh the brand makes meh counterfeit; worthless. There en't anywhere f'r meh t' go."

Something about him made the pirate seem altogether too relaxed in the situation. "Is that really why you stay?" he said, provocation hanging in the air. "Or is there some'ing more to it?"

"What d'yeh mean?" She wished she'd held her tongue. "En't those reasons enough?"

He shrugged. "Aye, but there be plenty other ships to sail on. Per'aps not so many acceptin' your gender, but there're even some female pirate bands around who'd 'ave you."

"I don' want t' be a pirate, Jack!"

"Tough. Accept it. Accept that you're a pirate and accept that you stay because someone caught your eye an' you ain't leavin'."

Jade bared her teeth. "An' if tha' ridiculous assumption were true, who d'yeh assume might've won meh affections?"

Jack smirked. She scowled, begging for her blush not to show through.

"Flatter y'self all yeh like," she grumbled. "Doesn' make it fact. Yeh've jes' let what those stupid pipes did fuddle yeh brain."

"Have I?" His eyes gleamed with challenge. He offered an open palm; his compass perched upon it. "Indulge me."

"Yeh can indulge _y'self_ until we get yeh t' the next brothel, thank y'," she snarled. "That thin' doesn' show yeh what anyone realleh feels. 'S jes' raw emotion an' what it is yeh want most at the time yeh hold it."

Without warning, the pirate captain seized her, holding her so that her back rested against him, his arms wrapping over hers to pin them still. Too frightened to struggle lest she fell from the tree, Jade watched as Jack forced the compass into her hand, flipped the lid and held it in place.

"Apologies, darlin', but I've always been one for impulse." As he spoke to her, the needle's erratic spinning came to a dead halt. Jade looked at it, aghast.

"'S rigged. Yeh makin' it say that."

Jack said nothing. The hand that was not securing the compass had drifted to make spider-like dances on the outer part of her sleeve. The compass needle whirled again before settling, pointing stubbornly at Sparrow. Mortified, Jade tried to pull away and was surprised to find no resistance. She scrambled to the safety of a higher cluster of branches.

I can' do it, her mind fretted. Wha'if he onleh ever protected meh t' get some'at out'f it? I wouldn' respect m'self if I…if I let 'im…

_Like yeh respect y'self anyway? _There was always that counterpoint voice. Sometimes it felt like her psyche had a personality of its own.

M' respect f'r _'im_ then. En't no tellin' 'ow many women 'e's 'ad but t' be diff'rent from 'em, t' be…Chris', t' be 'is _friend'_d be preferable t' jes' addin' t' the count."

_Why be diff'rent? If yeh were special, thin's'd be even more complicated. Yeh hate complicated. Yeh said y'self yeh can' ever be part'f normal society an', in any fashion, yeh'll prob'ly die in this tree. What yeh whinin' about?_

Jade sulked and glanced down at Jack. He lay with his hat tipped over his eyes, hands bunched in his sleeves and arms folded to keep out the cold.

Mebbeh I wouldn' do it _because _I care.

_Pff, an' tha' makes sense?_

Pains meh t' say it, but 'e's a legend. 'im with 'is stupid face an' 'is stupid hair, an' 'is stupid clothes an' walk an'…everythin'. 'S pointless thinkin' of it.

_Then do what yeh have t'._

Eh?

But her deeper thoughts offered no further advice. Miss Starfall took a drawn out breath and quietly began to climb back down. She drew her knife, paranoid that he would hear the battering of her heart, and moved to crouch over him. Her free hand reached out and took hold of the twin braids of his beard. She tilted his hat back with the knife hand and revealed the kohl-circled eyes she knew and dreaded. The trace of triumph in his expression melted at the sight of the raised knife, unsure whether to fear for the loss of his life or style. Jade brought the quartz dagger down.

"No!" Jack yelled.

The knife embedded into the tree branch above. Jade kissed him. She kissed so hard she almost wished the emotions would pour into him and destroy him so she never had to see his stupid, sparkly-capped grin again. He made no attempt to dissuade her. He kissed gently, teasingly, in response. She tasted the sickly sweetness of his favoured liquor combined with the unpleasant harshness that was expected of a hygiene-lacking scoundrel's breath. It made her head spin. She started to make gasps for air and felt his winter-cold hands slide inside her frockcoat. They scurried torturously, occasionally turning to brush the surface of his rings against her shirt. She did not even detect her buttons unhook until an icy draft made her shiver. The pressure of her lacings gave and she hissed as a hand cupped one of the rises at her chest.

The pirate captain's arm curled about her waist. In a careful, swift motion, he shifted and rolled her beneath him. His arms slipped out of his coat, drawing it over them as shelter. He smiled waywardly and hung his hat upon the jutting knife hilt. Jade kept her eyes averted from his. She could not stomach the thought of what they were saying about her, the thought of letting them see into her, seeing what she was and stealing the last spark of her secrecy. She did not want to see the victorious, childish greed she feared would show. His hands glided down her form as though she were cast in gold. Her green eyes caught glimpses of the frosted branches and she trembled from the cold.

_I'm goin t' catch m' death…_

And then her attention was taken by the jingling of the trinkets in his hair and those dangling off his bandanna as he lay above her. She felt a hand tug at her belt but the buckle remained intact. Her gaze was forced to meet his. She found no vanity or mockery in his look, just an ominous patience as he waited for an answer.

_Bastard. O' course he'd feign the gen'leman now…_

One last chance to save herself; she had always been a doomed case. Jade kissed him and ran her hand down his chest, past his stomach and down until she found somewhere to grip. She could not elude catching his grin in the instant she made a sharp, naïve breath. She heard her belt unfasten. Her body jolted as material tugged past her hips and she whimpered at the assaulting chill. Jack cushioned her head with one hand, fingers frittering through her hair, and slid his other out of sight once more. A gasp escaped her as a wave of anti-thought shot through her system. Fear and humiliation screamed at her but they were drowned out with what he was doing to her. Steady, continuous, patterned like dancing, sending gentle shocks one after the other until she began to utter nonsensical syllables. She tremored and kicked a sheet of snow from the branch beneath her boots. Needing no more signal than her pleading grip at his sides, Sparrow shifted further under the blanket of his coat. He brought his face level with hers, battling her unease with his untrustworthy reassurance. Hands resting on the bark either side, he sank into her.

Jade pressed her head into the soggy tree and cried out without voice. Pain tangled with euphoria. She could feel the bark scratching her skin through her coat as he moved above her. _He's killin' meh_, she thought. Slowly, luxuriously if it wasn't for the threatening agony, he worked the charms he knew so well, the intricate sensibilities lending to his fame, hands soothing her panic, kisses tingling her throat. _He's killin' meh an' I don' care. _At the end of it all, her pale fingers grasped the bark beneath her and she yelled so fully that the wolves howled in chorus. With one final gasp, her head fell back against the tree and all went black.

* * *

Miss Starfall's mind brought her back into consciousness with an unpleasant start. Several things became apparent: the pain in her head; the aching of her limbs; the bedraggled state of her clothes; the dark coat wrapped about her; the other pain she was not ready to acknowledge, and… that Captain Sparrow was gone.

"Jack?" She half wished she had not been so predictable.

"Down 'ere, missy."

She leaned over and saw him standing in the snow below. "But the wolves -."

"Are gone," he finished. "Got called off an' no one bothered to check for a kill. Too busy with the Christmas spirit an' whatnot, I shouldn't wonder. Lucky for us, ay?"

Jade nodded and returned to the privacy of the tree. Wincing as she moved her bruised body, she fastened herself back to decency and threw his coat back to him. After prising her knife from the tree-trunk she made her descent. She refused his helping hand, barely regretting it when she fell face down into the snow.

Without a word she picked herself up and began to walk. Jack followed. A couple of minutes passed and then he increased his pace to match hers.

"Are you -?"

She stopped in her tracks and cut him off. "What? Am I aw'ight? Am I goin' t' speak t' yeh again? Am I goin' t' get back on tha' stupid ship whenever the hell yeh get it back?" She burst into such manic laughter that the pirate jumped inside his skin. "Why don' yeh work it out f' y'self seein' as yeh so good a judge'f m' character? As f'r what 'appened, f'get it. There en't even a name f'r it."

"Actually I was going to ask if you were certain of your heading…"

She didn't look at him. Anger welled up to mask the hurt, at odds as to whether she wanted him to alter how he treated her or remain just the same. She pinched her temples between finger and thumb and walked away again.

Jack snatched her arm and pulled her toward him. She did not fight. He lifted a hand to her face and brushed the tips of his fingers across her cheek, evoking the fresh memories. He paused suddenly and stared into the middle distance.

"I s'pose calling it a 'partridge' might be pertinent."

The slap she dealt knocked him off his feet. Sparrow groaned and peered out of his pirate-shaped trench.

"Glad tidin's _dear _Captain," Jade sneered, already a yard away from him. She held out her hand and let his compass dangle between her fingers. "Reckon yeh c'n catch meh b'fore New Year?"

Jack's jaw dropped. Despite the aches and pains, Jade grinned and bolted over the snowy orchard, relishing the distant "Oi!" that echoed at her back.

* * *

**********************

_Merry Yuletide, Ms Starfall/Ryalor/Topp. Have a grand end o' 2009!_


End file.
